After my inspirational moment with William in 2004, I spent four years trying to use the idea of thoughtful consideration in my work. It was very hit and miss, and I still wasn't sure I even knew what it was I was looking to do or try. Then in July of 2008 I was awarded a fellowship through TCG (Theatre Communications Group) which is the national service organization for the American theatre. They also publish American Theatre magazine which I am sure many of you are familiar with. The fellowship I received was the Future Leaders in American Theatre fellowship, and it allowed me to be mentored for two years by Jose Gonzalez of the Miracle Theatre. It was a great fellowship and a great experience, and I would encourage anyone out there to check it out and apply for it. I would be glad to tell you more about it.
One of the benefits of the fellowship was that I got to attend the TCG National Theatre Conference. In June of 2009 that conference was in Baltimore, Maryland and was attended by 1000 theatre artists, arts administrators, and vendors. It was an incredible showing and I made some life long friends at that conference. You never know who your gonna meet while drinking at the 6th floor lounge in the dorms of MICA (Maryland Institute of College of Art).
I was very excited to be attending my first conference, and very humbled by the incredibly smart and talented individuals that I met while I was there. Highlights were meeting, Anne Bogart, Teresa Eyring, John Waters, and Olympia Dukakis. It will always remain one of most memorable moments of my career. I encourage every theatre artist to figure out a way to go.
Much of the conference is break out sessions and you have more to choose from than you can possible attend. I was very interested in hearing one of the breakout sessions called Getting Back to the Art:Putting the Artist at the Center. It was being moderated by Jaan Whitehead who was a member of National Council for the American Theatre. The panelists were Mark Masterson, Artistic Director of Actors Theatre of Louisville, Eduardo Machado, Artistic Director of INTAR Theatre, actor Hoon Lee, and Academy Award Winning actress Olympia Dukakis. I have to admit I was a little excited to see Olympia Dukakis.
The session was held in this giant Pavillion and there were about 150-200 people. I was standing toward the back of the room off to the side as I had arrived late, which for those of you who know me know that is very rare. There was a lot of engaging dialogue about playwrights, and actors, and designers, and about how the LORT theatres have killed the rehearsal process, and how the development of new work is rushed in the big theatres, and how LORT theatres have become factories rather than places where art happens.
Then the discussion turned to directors, and Jaan our moderator, posed the question "What is the directors role?" and she asked for popcorn answers. As she pointed to different people around the room I was sure that I would hear something that resonated. But what I heard was "to give direction" "to stage" "to build ensemble" "to lead" "to interpret the script" "to bring vision to the play" and I thought well sure all of those are a part of what a director does, but that is not the "role" of the director. I was beginning to sweat, I could feel myself getting anxious like I do when I have a burning desire to say something, but I was nervous, I mean who the hell was I? Just a guy from Portland who directs every once in awhile. This crowd was filled with Yale graduates, and MFA's, and there was Olympia Dukakis, she had won an Oscar, what had I won? Not a damn thing! I heard the voice in my head screaming at me DON"T DO IT!!! DON'T SAY ANYTHING!!! YOU ARE GOING TO LOOK LIKE AN ASSHOLE!!! It didn't matter the desire to say something was just too strong. So I raised my hand with authority and out of the corner of her eye Jaan saw me and pointed at me and I said "Thoughtful Consideration!" and then she pointed to the next person, and the next, and the next...shit...I must have sounded like an idiot. I could feel the sweat pouring from my brow, my heart pounding, I was sure people could hear my heart pounding. I was frozen, and embarrassed, I thought for sure "thoughtful consideration" would be what everyone was waiting to hear. But she just kept on pointing.
Then, suddenly she stopped, and said "That was great everyone. I would like to pull our attention over here to something I heard that was different. You (she pointed at me) can you explain what you meant by Thoughtful Consideration?" OH SHIT I thought. This is not happening. Why didn't I listen to the screaming voice in my head? Why am I such a dumbass? Think Tony Think!!! And then it was one of those moments when I was glad that I had spent my early career as an actor, and remembered that Pinter pause while my brain scrambled to think and I said..."It is the authentic act in serving the needs of the play by asking "Why?" "What if?" and "How will this best serve the play?" It is careful reasoned thinking, partnered with attentive focused listening, and the ability to weigh the needs of the artist while creating the art." and then I used the William Hurt example except without using his name. Then Jaan the moderator asked the panel if they had any thoughts on what I had just said. Olympia Dukakis shrugged her shoulders and said "Thoughtful Consideration? What kind of soft language is that?! We need to FIGHT in the room, we need to dig!!! It's too soft, those words are too soft!!!"
At this point I am thinking I should leave. Olympia Dukakis just called my idea soft. But no, I am an idiot and I say..."Olympia, I would like to disagree with you for a minute, and challenge you get over the softness of those two words and give yourself permission to embrace them, with the understanding that those two words can lead to the kind of fiery dialogue, or fight if you will, and can inspire that creative shovel in order for you to dig up the truth." She smiled. And then someone else spoke up and echoed something I had said and that I was right. Then another and another. They understood. The Yale grads, and the MFA's and even Olympia Dukakis kinda got it. I of course heard nothing else accept the deafening ringing in my ears of my inner voices. I was really just hoping that no one noticed that I had just called Olympia Dukakis by her first name, verbally sparred with her, and that I was sweaty and shaking.
When the session was over, I waited to say hello to Ms. Dukakis. As I waited I was approached by several people who said "loved what you said" or "thoughtful consideration cool" and on guy David Stradley from Wilmington Delaware asked if I had published. I told him that I had not, and that I wasn't really a writer and that I wouldn't even know where to start. He encouraged me to just start writing it down. My friend Raelle Myrick Hodges who I first met in Baltimore who was in the room when this all happened said to me, I think you might be onto something. Finally, it was my turn to meet Ms. Dukakis. I shook her hand and told her my name was Tony. She asked if I was a director and I told her that I was. She told me that she liked my comments and that she hoped that she got to work with someone who used thoughtful consideration someday, but until then, she was gonna fight! I laughed and thanked her. It was a good feeling. Something I said at the national convention resonated with people.
As I walked through the Hippodrome on the way to the Plenary Session, I saw the giant screen where people had been tweeting live throughout the conference, and there were three different tweets from three different people in big letters that simply said "thoughtful consideration" with one that said after it, "best thing I have heard all conference." I just stared at it. That someone would think that, then share it for everyone to see. It was a blessed moment.
It is now three years since I attended that conference, and introduced the idea of thoughtful consideration to the world. It has been on mind ever since. I am finally going to write about it.
I want to thank David Stradley for being the first to ask if I had published, and to encourage me to write. I want to thank Raelle Myrick Hodges just for being awesome and thinking that I am awesome. I want to thank Olympia Dukakis for sparring with me, thanks to all my friends from the 6th Floor Lounge at MICA, and especially to Sarah Alderman McLellan for being a great friend at the conference and afterward and for always telling me that I am destined for greatness.
I will always remember my first National Theatre Conference because of the people I met there. Baltimore...I love you!
Next Post: The young director or The Dictator
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